Prompt:
(Keep in mind that this is not a "racist" assignment, but founded on scientific research; we will express our criticism/thoughts about AAE and Ebonics later, after we've explored the "rules.")
Read the following short story by Alice Walker, "Everyday Use":
http://www.bow.k12.nh.us/jmcdermott/everyday_use__by_alice_walker.htm
Then, proofread the text I distributed in class - it was written by a student who was told to relate the same story from the viewpoint of Maggie, the uneducated sister, but as a transcription into AAE. Did he/she do a good job imitating the tone? Did he/she follow the rules correctly that you established? Where did he/she commit errors, or could have improved? Grade the student's transcription. Publish the grade and a brief statement of evaluation on this blog as a comment.
This text served as an example. Now it is your turn: homework will be to select ANY short text (maximum: 1 page) and to transcribe it into AAE. Email me both the original text and your transcription for Wednesday, Jan. 23rd. Follow as many "rules" as possible, making it sound genuine. It can be a text with dialogue, or just a third person narrator text, or a poem....You can use the Internet for help, or stories by Zora Neale Hurston, Dunbar, and others to gain corresponding vocabulary. You can also INVENT your AAE text - but then, you need to write me a transcription into Standard English! In the end, I need both versions from you.
After composing your AAE creative writing assignment, write a short statement (~ 50-100 words) of what you thought about that assignment (whether it was exceptionally difficult, easy, boring, useful, whatever....).
That's it!
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25 comments:
Jessica Berry
Grade for Student Summary
I think that she made Maggie out to be more educated than the story projects. I don’t think that Maggie would have said words like “envied” or “appreciate”. Also, the AAE that she uses is somewhat on and off because there are times when she makes things too abbreviated and then times when it is not enough. I would more than likely give the student a B- or C+ and I would probably only print it to use it as a “not so good” example of AAE.
I would have given the student a B. Although the summary is close to believable, and follows mostly the same rules throughout the story, the student seems to forget that Maggie is very uneducated and "slow." When the student uses words in Maggie's name like envied, it becomes unbelievable. She also uses apostrophes in the words don't and ain't, which would indicate more education than Maggie has.
I would give this story a B on account of the rules that were used seemed a little inconsistent. For example: in standard English "where" and "her" do not rhyme, but in this student's paper, the AAE versions of these words, "whea" and "hea", seem to rhyme. Other examples are present as well, but it is not necessary to mention them.
-bonnie
I believe the story by Alice Walker did a decent job at preserving the correct tone and dialect of the character; however, I believe that some of the phrases create a conflict of continuity. There are several parts in the paper where the English is correct at the beginning of the sentence and then fades into the AAE translation. I don’t think that the whole paper is in the AAE form. I would give the paper a B.
I would give this person a very low grade and I defiantly would not publish this story in any newspaper or magazine. Alice Walker does not use any slang terms or African American English in her story. There is no reason why this person should have written her article this way. The first few sentences of her text start out with regular English and then she quickly changes to AAE. She does make good use of AAE and demonstrates what the story would be like if it was written using AAE. However, I would not publish this because the original work did not include AAE. I would give this person a low B or a high C.
The student who turned in this paper went too far with the AAE. They write words and spellings that no one in the story uses. Maggie doesn't speak much in the story, but when she does she doesn't use the words dat,den,gon,or hea. No one does.
C
Overall the the summary was written well. The author was able to mix AAE into the story to make Maggie more believable as a character. The only problems I had with the summary was that the intro was done my a narrator and was not clearly defined. The author should have used paragraphs to separate the thoughts. Also there were some mistakes in the transcription into AAE. The author neglected to change the word like into lak, added an and into a sentence where it was not needed, and used the past tense when in AAE one is suppose to use the present tense. So I believe this person should receive a B- for their efforts.
Amanda Murphy
Overall, I would give this student a B. She did seem to follow closely to the original story, however, she made Maggie more educated by using words like, "envied." Furthermore, she did not follow all of the rules of AAE. For instance, she did not drop every possessive 's (dats). She also should have used the word "come" instead of "came" to describe Dee arriving at the house to set the correct mood of the situation. I'm also suspicious that she made up certain words like "hea" and "lef." I would probably not print this article because I do not believe it is a "true" translation into AAE.
A-. The person who wrote the summary of Maggie has interpreted, summarized, and transcribed the text highly effectively. The writer, however, uses the wrong word for her. Her is pronounced "huh" and she uses "hea". "Hea" means here. We learned from reading "Their Eyes Were Watching God" by Zora Neal Houston. Overall, great job.
I thought the writer did a good job at relating to Maggie's feelings but a bad job at speaking like her. She used many words that Maggie did not use in the story. At times she used words that were too educated while at other times, words that seem too uneducated. The story was also in one long paragraph, instead of breaking it into several paragraphs, which was not at all how the story was set up.
I would have given the student a B. I am sure translating a story into AAE is probably a little bit more difficult than what one may think, especially if this is something one has never done before. In the student's writing, the AAE she used was correct and some was not correct. Overall, I think she did a decent job, but she needs to work on the dialect.
Bryan Norbut
I would grade this project as a C+ or B-. This is because I don't think that the author is very consistent in their use of Ebonics. Some of the words are not abbreviated enough while others are abbreviated too much or incorrectly. Also, I do not think that the author got the character of Maggie entirely correct. Maggie is supposed to be a little slow and yet she uses a few words that seem out of character. She also accurately analyzes the inconsistencies in Dee’s new found dismissal of White culture. I do not think that Maggie would do this. Overall, it is a good attempt but it needs some revision.
I would grade this paper as being a B or an C. The paper wasn't too bad, although the student was to be uneducated it was hard to believe that a great deal of the paper was in correct grammar and the other half was in AAE form. Some of the words and the way she used them showed that Maggie would of had some form of education by using specific commas, and apostrophe's. This paper would be an exactly great paper for and example of AAE and what you should or should not do.
Amy Mckenzie
The beginning of this writer’s essay is confusing because the reader does not whose point of view is taken. Also, it is unclear when the introduction to the essay changes to the speaker’s voice. One problem with this student’s AAVE is in the sentence “Mama always thought I was afraid of Dee…” In this example, the” was” needs to be changed to “be” (so that the sentence reads “Mama always thought I be afraid of Dee”). This is because “was” and “is” is usually absent in AAVE. The sentence “I know Dee like my sista and not like my chil’ like mama do…” is problematic because uneducated Maggie respects her mother and does not think of her as childish. The writer often uses “It’s” instead of the shorten AAVE version “I’s”. There are several errors in this essay, but the writer still correctly applied some AAVE rules. I would give this student a B.
I would give this student a B for consistency within the text. There are some mistakes, but few. The first two sentences is in the third person, and then it goes to first person. Her use of AAE contributes to the over all feeling she empress's in the story.
I understand that this is supposed to be done in Maggie's voice, but sometimes i feel like the text is hard to follow. The first two lines of the writing do not flow well into Maggie's personal recollections from the day that Dee came home.At times,her believability factor is compromised by using words that don't necessarily fit along with the overall tone and voice that she is trying to attain, like "envied." .Other than that, and being hard to follow at times, the author does do a solid job of capturing the voice of Maggie and the emotions that are present at the arrival of her older sister. I would probably give this student a B-.
I think the student did a decent job with the AAVE. She changed words such as enough to enuf, that to dat, this to dis. Which are common rules. One part that I felt was incorrect was "jus Dee always wanna be more den we is and gon be, so dats why she ack like dat." In our handout there was a large section about the use of "BE." I would give a B-.
I would give the student a C+ because I do not think that she followed the AAE grammar correctly. Instead of saying "you" the student wrote "u" according to the other things that we read it should be "yah" Also The student gave Maggie a better vocabulary then I think that she would have being that she is uneducated. --Josette M.
I would give this student a B. It is inventive and highly creative even if I may have done it differently. The dialect fails, it seems to me, because it does not create a visual feel on the page, or connote a real regional connection that helps link the story to the characters. So the dialect is not working and really neither is the spirit of Maggie staying true to the original story. But it was inventive and I liked it, B.
I give this person a C. Although the passage is written in a colloquial style, the overall language of the text is rather distinguishable. The summary is valid in relation to the story given through the viewpoint of Maggie.
I give this person a C. Although the passage is written in a colloquial style, the overall language of the text is rather distinguishable. The summary is valid in relation to the story given through the viewpoint of Maggie.
Great job everyone! Maybe we can overall agree with a B- for this student? That's about the average of what you gave.
Now it's your turn to write a better AAE story, without making the mistakes that you found in this student's writing ;-) Good luck!!!!!
to Stephanie Tillery: the prompt for this student WAS to rewrite the original story in AAE! Of course the original story did not contain slang words; that was the student's assignment. So you cannot punish him/her for using it!
I am rather torn on this to be honest. The student was told to write the story from Maggie's perspective and translate it into AAE, but Maggie actualy speaks rather well in the original text. If anything the student made Maggie sound even worse then Alice Walker did in the original text. Maggie uses two lines of dialogue in the original text: "She can have them, Mama" and "I can 'member Grandma Dee without the quilts." Now she does use the word "mama" and also shortens remember into 'member, but other than that she speaks english rather well. We don't see her use the common "de" for "the" and she uses "have" instead of something like "haf". So in all actuality, Maggie speaks english quite well. In light of the fact that Maggie actualy doesn't use AAE dialouge in the original text, I would probably give the student an A for putting in the effort on a rather abnormal and challenging assignment.
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